Remembering My Mum

One of my favourites taken in 2005 when I was pregnant with my first born

It is only a few weeks since the 2nd anniversary of my Mum’s death. I have found it hard to move away from the memory of her death (I was there), to the memories of her life. What is it I remember about my Mum?

It was that she was always there. She gave her time for us. Although we didn’t talk a lot in my adult life (compared to some mothers/daughters), one of my strong memories is of the times she listened to me talk. She may not have been the world’s best cook, or had the means to buy expensive gifts, or been the kind of mother that signed me up for every opportunity, but those things don’t matter now. What matters is that she loved me (and I always knew it), that she sacrificed for me (time, career opportunities, personal fulfillment , that she taught me to know Jesus, and to know that He was all important when life was ending. She demonstrated this through her faithful life, but more strikingly, by her faithful death. She died without fear, with utter confidence in Jesus and with a willingness to let go of this temporary life that I would find very hard to emulate.

Because Mum was always there, I find it hard some days to realise she is no longer here. I’d love her to walk back in the room, with her wry smile. I’d love for all those annoying things about her to annoy me again! That would mean we could hug, that we could have a chance to communicate, that I could show her that I am still learning how to be a mum, still “growing up”.

Waking up and slowing down

A few weeks ago I had my first medical procedure in hospital (I’ll spare you the details!). It was a moment I have been dreading for years, probably since seeing my mother go through surgery and radiotherapy and chemo and palliative care and realising that one day we all generally get to a point of needing medical care which can be painful and frightening in its unknown.

Since the procedure was not urgent, I postponed it by 6 weeks, just to schedule it for a time when I thought I’d have the capacity to go through with it. So, just as the school year started, while I had a week off, I went through with it. Although there was a general nausea and nervousness from the start of my preparation, it wasn’t until leaving the house to go to hospital that the emotion hit me. It was Anabelle’s second day of school for the year, and my Mum had passed away on her second day of Kindergarten, 2 years ago. I was quite ready for heaven, but not ready for my family to have to face any more grief. Having gone through it, I dread grief for others, especially my husband and children and father. With my loving husband by my side for as long as was allowed and the comfort of the Lord for the lengthy stretch after this while I waited to be taken to the operating room, I stayed brave. Teary, but brave. Brave enough to trust God with my life, trust the doctors he had provided, and trust that his ways are always best.

When I woke up I felt elated! I had gone to sleep (under sedation rather than a general anaesthetic), felt like I’d been dreaming and woke up! Part of me wanted to jump out of that bed and get out of there right away, but even a toilet trip wasn’t allowed, so I was forced to slow down. Slow down and listen to my breaths. Slow down and look around the room. Slow down and feel my legs stretching and my hands forming a fist. Slow down, look and listen in that moment. Being someone who wants to deliberately slow down life, it was somewhat revealing that my thoughts automatically turn to doing things. But I could do nothing. I didn’t have my phone with me, there was no pen and notepad to make notes or task lists, I simply had to follow the process to its conclusion. And that was wonderful. I got my results back after a couple of weeks and they were all clear. That was wonderful too. 

Introduction to Life & Home

Life & Home: Learning to slow down and live a simple life without debt, with less stuff and more room to love life and love others

My name is Vanessa. I am a follower of Jesus, wife to Chris, mother to Anabelle, Matthew (in heaven) and Cate, daughter, sister and friend and part-time medical research scientist. I live in Maitland NSW Australia. My interests include travel, home decorating, living without debt, and gardening. I love to read blogs about simplifying life, minimalism and getting out of debt. I have noticed that while there are a plethora of blogs on reducing debt, and home money management, there are few from those who have actually made it to their goal to be debt free and continue to live that way. One thing I've noticed with these blogs is the range of definitions of “debt free”. My husband and I live debt free, which for us means that we owe no-one any money. We paid off our mortgage in August 2011 (we bought a home when we married in December 1998), and have no other debts. We live within our means, which have varied considerably year to year and are not generally large. 

The other thing that isn't large is our home. We are coming to embrace our small living lifestyle and love the benefits. Our home is approximately 110 square metres plus a double garage and our outdoor area of about 40 square metres. It has 3 small bedrooms. We got the key a week before our wedding, and moved in after the honeymoon, so it has been the one and only home of our life together. We were blessed to buy a brand new house without the hassles of building, but it started out just a house - plain pale blue walls, one light bulb per room, some cheap carpet and vertical blinds and a washing line, but no front fence, no garden, no special features. Over the past 14 years we've enjoyed turning it into our home, for the first 7 years just for us and after that for the children we've added to our family. We are aiming to stay here and hope to remain content and grateful for God’s wonderful provision of this home.

My plan for this blog is to write about our journey of life & home - learning to live simply, deliberately slowing down the pace of our life and living with contentment and gratitude with room for generosity and love for others.